Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
