Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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