found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
