did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
