My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
