Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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