the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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