i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
