so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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