you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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