tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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