Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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