I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize