are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
