piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
