turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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