just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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