Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
