I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Couch. On fire.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
