SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His nipple licking is glorious
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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