After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
