just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
