I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
