I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
