So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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