Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
