before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the condom got lost in my hair
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
