My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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