I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
