Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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