I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
