your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
