I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
