I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
