I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
