you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
