remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he was CRYING into my vagina
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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