my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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