At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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