Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
