If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
