we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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