Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
