i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
