that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The beer is more important than you right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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