He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
