I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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