Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
