Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are we still banned from the library?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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