Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
