whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
