Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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