I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
