Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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