The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
