Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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