the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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