I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
