who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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